


Visualize

by Dapplemii



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Kaworu just deserved better so I gave it to him, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-The End of Evangelion, kinda self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 20:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19341631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dapplemii/pseuds/Dapplemii
Summary: After the End of Evangelion, Shinji and Asuka are left the only ones reformed from the LCL, but by visualizing in his heart, perhaps someone else could return.





	Visualize

“How disgusting…” Asuka’s voice trailed off as the hand she had on Shinji’s cheek fell, and she lost consciousness.

Shinji’s head hung back and he looked up at the sky. Whatever time it was in this messed up version of the world, the sun was still there. The sun’s radiation shone down made the orange sea of LCL glisten. The orange light reflected off the orange sea, and it was so bright Shinji couldn’t stand it.

 

It smelled like blood.

 

He moved off of Asuka and moved his gaze towards the LCL but wasn’t registering anything he was looking at. He just couldn’t bear to actually look at anything anymore. He felt so lifeless as if he could have dissolved right back into LCL. 

He remembered Rei’s words:  _ “As long as they can visualize themselves in their own minds, anyone can reclaim their human form.”  _

But for now he was so utterly alone. Being alone had never bothered him, in fact it was comforting to recharge away from others. But here it was a strange form of alone. He and Asuka who lay comatose next to him were the only two humans currently alive, yet he was surrounded by everyone and everything that once was. The orange liquid that smelled like blood was them. It reminded him of the time he was trapped in the entry plug in the angel’s shadow, when his suit’s life support function was failing, and the water got murky. It terrified him.

 

The void of sense turned to a sense of emptiness, then loneliness, then terror. He grabbed his shoulders and tears fell from his eyes. How would he keep his promise? That he would face people, learn to face their rejection, if there were no people. Whatever humanity had to work out in Instrumentality and the LCL it was taking them quite an amount of time to reform. And Asuka was still asleep. And he was scared.

 

Time acted strangely or at least it did to Shinji. The sun did not rise or set, it was just orange. He couldn’t move from where he was, he was not going back swimming in the LCL no matter how oxygenated it was. It smelled too much like the blood he had on his hands. 

 

If no one was there, there would be no one to reject him, but there would be no one to acknowledge him either. Misato, no she looked but never really saw him. Asuka, she wouldn’t open up to anyone, and now he had only made it worse by the way he treated her. 

“I’m sorry Asuka” he muttered with his back still to her body.

 

There was only one person who ever really saw him.  _ Kaworu _ . Kaworu didn’t just look at Shinji, he saw Shinji. He saw him as someone worth something.  Kaworu had known exactly what Shinji needed to hear that day. His words of praise and of love filled Shinji and made him the happiest he had ever been in his life. 

 

“Why did Kaworu have to be an angel?” he sobbed.

 

He buried his head and knees in his chest and thought about him. Kaworu’s soft silver hair and how it framed his pale face; how it was plastered down at the ends when they took a bath together. He thought about Kaworu’s kind red eyes that truly saw him, and his lips which told Shinji he loved him. He thought about his entire face, his smile which made him feel so at ease. No one had ever told Shinji that it was okay to be just who he was, and maybe it was just Kaworu’s fascination with the Lilin-  _ “No!”  _ Shinji thought,  _ “Those words meant something, to him and to me.”  _ He latched onto the memories of the comforting poetic words the angel had spoken to him.

_ “You are like delicate like glass, especially your heart” _

_ “I’m saying...I love you” _

_ “Maybe I was born just to meet you.” _

_ “My life was meaningful thanks to you” _

  
  


“Kaworu…tell me, what do I do now?”

  
  


“What do you want to do, Shinji?” Shinji reared his head up at the sound, leaving tears to fall away from his face, and he gasped. There he was, standing in front of Shinji with that kind smile and kind eyes. 

“Kaworu?” Shinji stared in awe. 

Kaworu bent down and put a hand on Shinji’s cheek. “Yes Shinji?” The tears just kept flowing but now they were formed from happiness. The boy was frozen in place but his body was shaking from the sobbing. All he could make out was “h-how?”

“We told you to visualize, and you did. I have been reborn from the sea of LCL and my A.T. field restored. You saw me just as I saw you, and thus I have come to be.” For moments they stayed just like that. Denial, anger, barganning, depression, he had once gone through such grief at the thought of Kaworu being his enemy. Now came acceptance and almost disbelief. But what washed over him the most was a sincere feeling of love.

Shinji lunged forward into the boys arms and began to sob again. Kaworu just held him, safe and secure. 

“It is called an absolute terror field because it divides people, causing loneliness and pain, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I told you that his is the light of my soul, my sacred territory. You have let me into your secret garden, and I will let you into mine.”

Kaworu smelled nice and for the moment Shinji forgot about the sea of blood surrounding them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I know a lot of people have probably done this type of prompt but I just finished rewatching the series on Netflix and I have a lot of new feeling about it. I first watched the series when I was around thirteen so my perspectives have definitely changed. I hope you enjoyed reading! Just let Shinji and Kaworu be happy.


End file.
